I recently met, on separate occasions, two wonderful and very different women who touched my heart deeply and, each in her own way, made me appreciate some of the benefits of, and reasons for keeping up with a dedicated daily practice...
One of the 2 women is an engaging, energetic, hard working and enthusiastic young single mother to a beautiful 5 year old girl and the other is a charming senior who loves to read, finds joy and purpose in caring for her 3 small parrots and has been struggling with the painful grip of grief for a couple years...
The young mother; let's call her Jenn, works in a restaurant we regularly dine at, she also works two other part time jobs and is joyful, very efficient and engaging. The senior lady I will call Martha for the purpose of this story, loves to go to the library, devours books on a daily basis, has the most friendly smile, adorable accent, and an irresistible charm blending stylish flair with a hint of thrift store shopping savvy...
Jenn can handle a full restaurant like a pro, with excellent timing, instinctively knowing how much or how little chit chat each guest or group will appreciate... She is extremely dedicated to both her family and her work with a drive and determination which appear second to none.
One night, while we had the pleasure of dining at the Restaurant where Jenn works, our young teenager niece and her Mother were with us; Jenn was enjoying interacting with everyone as usual and out of the blue, she sighed and said "I cannot wait for my daughter to be your age " smiling at our niece... Now, I have no doubt that this was a simple comment made with a sense of wonder and imagining what her daughter will be like in her early teens and nothing that would indicate she does not enjoy the stage she is at right now... But it still made me think of how easily we can get caught up in our anticipation of future events and put ourselves at risk of missing precious present moments in the process...
As for Martha; we met through an organisation we both volunteer for and as we had some time to chat she told me a little of her life story, of how she came to this country and how, about two years ago, she suddenly lost her partner of many years and admitted to being stuck in grief for his loss, paralyzed in this web of doubt about herself, flooded with regrets about past decisions, constantly playing in her mind the endless list of "what if"s and enduring the relentless pain and suffering associated with it all...
It appeared clear to me that Martha understood exactly what was happening to her, where she was in the grieving process, and how she needed to learn to bring her focus out of the past and into the present but even though she was making progress and was finding moments of joy and peace here and there, she somehow felt like she was missing the right tools to reach a place of true inner peace...
As I reflected on how much I enjoyed meeting both these beautiful women, I felt like these mundane encounters were simple yet great examples of why we yogis sit on a cushion daily or learn to stand on our head... You see, we do not go to our mat and sit on a cushion to feel good and relaxed in that moment, although it can and does feel nice and relaxing sometimes; but rather, we learn to move with our breath and sit in meditation to cultivate awareness, to learn to be present with any and all our thoughts and emotions, to practice being present to what is and how it affects us so that we can be aware of that space between stimulus and response, that space in which, Victor Frankl reminded us, lies our power to choose our response; and how our growth and freedom lie in that chosen response...
We go back to our mat and cushion, day after day, so that the space grows bigger and more accessible to us in every aspect of our life... first in simple situations such as getting less irate at the pile of dirty dishes in the sink and instead, choosing to focus on all the sensations of the hot soapy water on our hands, and to feel gratitude for the food we cooked and shared with family and friends in those dishes... gradually we can find and access that space with calm and clarity in more challenging situations like a somewhat thorny disagreement or argument with a spouse , relative or close friend... and eventually, we are better prepared and capable to handle the more difficult and challenging situations life can and will throw at us at the most unexpected moments... We also learn to find that space in moments where we need to be creative and challenge ourselves in demanding situations without excessive anxiety or fear... And in moments of great joy which we can appreciate with a deeper sense of gratitude as well...
We learn to stand on our head or to approach any other pose and to sit in meditation for longer periods of time, not to achieve a magazine cover look or to reach some esoteric state, but to fall in love with and to be engaged in the process, the whole process of learning, observing, feeling and then practicing over and over; using every step of the process as a tool to cultivate awareness... Awareness of all the muscles that need to coordinate their efforts and balance each other out in harmony... Awareness of how often our mind still wanders in meditation and of how we may need months or years of work to sufficiently open our thoracic spine and strengthen our abdominal muscles to even attempt a head-stand... awareness of our limits and abilities, of our frustrations and successes, of our desires and attachments, and although it may often seem like nothing is "happening", that increased awareness brought about by sustained effort over long periods of time, makes us better equipped to be present to and deal with the aches and pains that come with being alive; whether it is the pain from an injury, a chronic condition or the simple and forever changing pains that come and go with an aging body, this greater awareness of our whole self improves our ability to manage the effect of pain and our reaction to it... With that increased awareness, we also learn to be present to all of our emotions, good and bad, pleasant and painful, day after day, moment by moment, so that when life throws one of those unexpected curves at us, or we suffer a difficult and crippling loss, we have hopefully developed a strong enough ability to be present and aware in the face of painful emotions, to persevere through difficulty while allowing ourselves to feel and we can move forward with courage an understanding that everything is constantly changing.
I am grateful to both these amazing women who not only brought their beautiful energy and humanity to my consciousness but also shed a new light of understanding on the impact our practice can have on our well being, our ability to enjoy life's every moment with presence and our resilience when faced with the numerous challenges and adversity that many life changes can bring... The sooner we start, and the more dedicated we are to practice, constant learning and self study, the better our odds of enriching our experience of life...
Much Gratitude to all my teachers... Of all shapes, species and sizes... Those who knew they were teaching me, as well as those who did not realize the valuable lessons they brought and left in their path...
